A Non-Elimination Round
by AnnoymousPoet
Summary: AU. Although they fail to complete the South of France challenge, the Geniuses are still in the race via a non-elimination round. Only time will tell what Ellody and Mary make of their second chance.
1. Prologue

**Hey guys.**

 **This is just an idea I wanted to play around with, heavily inspired by Ridonculous Race Underdogs (shout-out to Animation Adventures). **Put simply, the Mediterranean challenge is going to be a non-elimination round rather than another challenge later down the round. Whether that's Iceland, or somewhere much later, I haven't decided yet.**  
**

* * *

"Ahoy Geniuses! I'm afraid the other teams have reached the Chill Zone! You are out of the race! Or at least, that's what I would have told you if this WASN'T A NON-ELIMINATION ROUND! YOU BOTH GET TO STAY! Oh, and I'm in a helicopter! So cool!"

Ellody and Mary cheered upon hearing Don's words.

"Yes, you're safe now, but there's no guarantee how long that will last!" Don replied, before putting his finger to his finger. "What? Slow down, I...right, I understand. I'll let them know...Sandy! Your parents want you back home! Give them the tip!"

* * *

The Geniuses finally began the boat ride to Iceland, which gave them some time to reflect.

"It's ironic how our knowledge in urban planning nearly proved our downfall, isn't it?" Ellody reflected, briefly looking up from the GPS.

"Just shows how flawed this show is," Mary mumbled, still looking forward.

"Or...it suggests that we need to modify our strategy," Ellody mused. Her partner turned around. "Possibly,"

 **Confessional:**

 _Mary: Today, we fixated too much on the planning stage, and that almost resulted in our elimination…_

 _Ellody: (takes glasses off and rubs her eyes) We've been given a second chance, and we need to capitalize on it. A third chance may not be bestowed._

 _Mary: Affirmative._

(end confessional)

* * *

Thanks to TV magic, the Geniuses had arrived at the Carpet of Completion, where Don was now standing.

"The Geniuses avoid elimination by a hair. Who will be less lucky? Only time will tell, next time on: The Ridonculous Race!"

* * *

 **It's a rough start, but I'm glad I finally got this off of my computer.**

 **I'm exploring this AU for a few reasons: First, I feel like the Geniuses were wasted potential. Second, it didn't feel right for the Vegans to survive because of a non-elimination round only to get booted the next episode. That's not to say that the Vegans are going to be eliminated in Iceland, but I'm not ruling it out.**

 **And to the fans of my current fics, don't worry. The next chapter of _Total Drama Royale!_ is on the way soon. Follow/favorite/review if you want me to continue this.**


	2. Bjorken Telephone

**Looks like you guys like the idea, so I've decided to continue on with it.**

Episode 5: Bjorken Telephone

* * *

"Last time on the Ridonculous Race: our teams got chummy with sharks...some more than others! Once they finished making castles in the sand, it was a boat race from the Mediterranean to the coast of Iceland. It looked like the end for the Geniuses, who choked on their own massive brains and ended up in last place. Lucky for them, it was the first non-elimination round, so they got to stay. Who will choke on their brains this week? Heh, there's zero chance of it being me! Ready to kick it? Good! Because it's time for...the Ridonculous Race!"

* * *

(cue theme song)

* * *

Don stood on the dock. "Welcome back to Iceland, where this week's starting point is yesterday's Chill Zone!" he shivered. "Brrrr! And chill it is! My walnuts are frozen solid! The first team to depart will be the Ice Dancers!" He motioned to last week's winners, who were wearing their signature, plastered-on smiles. "Go!"

Josee slammed the buzzer on the Don Box, grabbing the tip with as much gusto: "Take the bus to the Geyser Field of Geysisgil and locate the Don Box!"

The camera cut to a green screen postcard of said field, which Don promptly appeared in. "The Geysers of Geysisgil are part of an active volcano field tucked under a skimpy 20 centimeters of solicitous cinder!" He gave a shrug. "Ha, whatever that is! Sounds dangerous though,"

 **Confessional: Ice Dancers**

 _Josee: Coming in first has given us a taste for gold! We hope to be at the top of the podium from here on!  
_

 _Jacques: And I love the taste of gold in the morning!_

 _(end confessional)_

The Ice Dancers had just made it to the bus stop. Jacques had put away his smile to express his panic. "Hurry! Come on, where's our bus?! We're gonna lose our lead!"

Right on cue, the Reality TV Pros, Cadets, Fashion Bloggers, Daters, and Father & Son sprinted onto the sidewalk, much to the Ice Dancers' shock.

"Hi," said Stephanie.

The Ice Dancers had a much colder reception, scowling at their competition. "Don't even _think_ about getting on the bus before us!"

"You can't stop me from thinking it!" MacArthur countered. "Get out of my head!"

"Oh yeah?!"

 _Beep beep._

"Uh, guys? The bus?" Noah interjected, as the six teams bolted into the bus.

* * *

"Our first teams head off, as another team get psyched up!" Don announced, while the Stepbrothers were too busy fighting each other to get psyched up about anything except hating the other. The host turned his attention to the Goths, who were up next. "But for some, the fear and panic is clearly visible on their faces,"

The Goths' faces gave no signs of life other than blinking, which irritated Don. "I said fear and panic! Fear, and PANIC! FEAR AND PANIC!"

"SPIDER!"

"Better," Don said, watching Mickey scream at a spider from Jay's shoulders.

 **Confessional: Adversity Twins**

 _Mickey: And I'm only mildly afraid of spiders...you should see me around a werewolf._

 _Jay nodded._

 _(end confessional)_

The Adversity Twin's panic allowed for three other teams to pass them, one of whom stepped on the spider.

 **Confessional: Vegans**

 _Laurie: I'm super optimistic about our chances right now!  
_

 _Miles: I know! We're proving that you can race without hurting anyone or anything._

 _(end confessional: looks like somebody should check the bottom of their sandal)_

Meanwhile, the first bus had arrived at the Geysisgil field, with the Cadets being the first to depart.

"There's the Don Box!" Sanders pointed out, beating the other teams to grab the tip. "It's an All-In...Broken Icelandic Telephone?"

* * *

The camera cut to Don, who was walking towards a speaker. "For this All-In, teams need to hold down the button on this speaker box to hear me say: 'Please give me my next travel tip' in Icelandic, with _perfect_ pronunciation!" To demonstrate, he hit the button: _"Vinsamlegast gefa mir mena travel abending,"_

"Then they must run across this geothermic field of hot springs and repeat the sentence to this Icelandic local." Don gestured to the next tip giver, a pale young woman with jet-black hair and (which Don just seemed to notice) a dress that looked suspiciously like a swan. "Ugh, sweet sister of ducks! What are you wearing?!" The dress honked in reply.

"Say the sentence right, you get the next tip. Say it wrong and you have to go all the way back to hear the sentence again!"

* * *

"Open your ears!" MacArthur told her fellow Cadet as she hit the button. "Move it!"

Father and Son were right behind them. "Press it again!" said Junior.

"No need, kiddo. Let's hustle!" Dwayne said confidently, running off while his son looked at him worriedly.

 **Confessional: Father & Son**

 _Dwayne: My mind is a steel trap: once I know something, it's-_

 _Junior (annoyed): Really? When's my birthday?_

 _Dwayne: ...summertime?_

 _Junior: October._

 _(end confessional: That steel trap might be a little rusty)_

* * *

The second bus departed from the station, carrying the Stepbrothers, Goths, Adversity Twins, Sisters, Mother & Daughter, and Vegans. "Six more teams head for the geyser fields, leaving only four that have yet to begin the race,"

Back at Geysisgil, the Ice Dancers, graceful as ever, jumped over a geyser in the brief intermission from the steam. The Cadets, not willing to take their chances, simply went around that geyser, which began spewing gas just as Father & Son got close.

"Just follow my lead, son!"

 **Confessional: Father & Son**

 _Dwayne: All you have to do is time it right, and we will be talking to that_ beautiful _swan lady! (stars off into distance and chuckles until he remembers that his wife will be watching) Oh, (clears throat) d-did I say beautiful?! I-I-I-I-I meant that she was...wearing a beautiful swan! Honey, I miss you! (blows kiss)_

 _(end confessional: real smooth, Dwayne...)_

Unfortunately for both Dwaynes, their timing was off, causing the geyser to launch them both into the air. The Reality TV Pros were still at the speaker box, partly because Owen hadn't realized they weren't at a drive-through.

"Wontons, rice, uh... garlic shrimp, house noodles and egg rolls, please," Noah rolled his eyes until he saw the second bus of teams screech to a stop. "No time, let's move!"

"Bus #2 has arrived, as our last four teams have finally departed,"

 **Confessional: Surfer Dudes**

 _Geoff: Starting out in last place is tough, 'specially because Brody's still messed up! Guy got a few too many shocks from that speed boat!  
_

 _Brody:_ _nnnnnnnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttt!_

 _Geoff: But I can do all the heavy liftin'! It's too early to give up and go home! Surfers don't quit, right dude?_

 _Brody: nnnnzzzzrrrrttt!_

 _(end confessional: nnnnzzzzzzrrrrrtttt!)_

The Ice Dancers were the first to make it across the field, finishing as gracefully as they repeated the Icelandic sentence. "Take the helicopter to Skaftefell National Park and find the next Don Box!" Josee read off the tip.

As the helicopter descended onto the landing pad, Don began his next voice-over. "The Ice Dancers have the lead, but now they will have to wait: the helicopter will only leave once six teams are aboard,"

Meanwhile, the Rockers, Best Friends, Surfer Dudes, and Geniuses were waiting at the bus stop.

"Brrrr..." Devin shivered. "T-this reminds me of, um last winter when Shelley locked me out of the car for buying her the wrong kind of tea," Carrie's eyes widened.

 **Off-Side Confessional: Carrie**

 _Carrie: He got frostbite and nearly lost three of his toes over a tea?! He deserves better than that! A rabid goat deserves better than that!  
_

 _(end confessional: but Shelley probably doesn't...)_

Rock turned to the Geniuses, both of whom looked incredibly nervous. "Whoa. You're the last two I'd be expecting to be here,"

Ellody raised an eyebrow. "Aren't we supposed to wait at the station?"

"Huh? Oh no, I meant, like, in the last group."

"We...overthought the last challenge," Mary muttered. "We're not really good at 'winging it',"

Rock shrugged. "I can see that. Winging it's pretty simple, you just gotta be able to think fast, be ready for somethin to go wrong, know what I'm sayin?"

"I...think so," Ellody said, still a little unsure. Rock grinned. "And hey, everyone's got a bad day, it's how you pick yourself up from it that counts."

"Totally, man," Geoff said, joining in the conversation. "It's gotta come from here-" he pointed to his heart "-more than here," he finished, pointing to his head.

Mary turned to her partner. "How do you think with a muscle?"

Ellody sighed.

 **Confessional: Geniuses**

 _Mary: Idioms are not in my field of expertise.  
_

 _Ellody: But I'm happy that the other teams were being supportive._

 _Mary: You do realize that if we want to win, they'll have to lose, correct?_

 _Ellody: Affirmative, but it doesn't mean we can't make friends along the way. I commenced in some "small talk" with Geoff in Morocco, and he's very sociable. (cringes) I do hope Brody recovers relatively quickly._

 _Mary: Why? That means he'll be another obstacle (Ellody glares at her) What?_

 _(end confessional: sometimes geniuses aren't always as smart as they say)_

While the teams continued to race through the geyser fields, the Reality TV pros found themselves in a sticky situation. Or rather, a stuck situation, as Noah attempted to pull Owen out of one of the geysers.

"Ah ah, I'm stuck!" he whined, as Noah lost his grip. Suddenly, the ground started rumbling. "Tell my parents I lived a good life!" Owen yelled before the building pressure blasted him out, launching him into the air...and making him fall head-first into another geyser.

Father & Son made it across the field, and Dwayne was now attempting to say the phrase:

"Uh, _vinsamlegast gefa mehr_ , uh... _gingle travel...gupade goopgoop!"_ Junior facepalmed as the tip giver looked at Dwayne incredulously.

"Heh, you gotta admit, your language is pretty darn ridiculous!" Dwayne defended, which only earned him an annoyed glare from the tip giver.

 **Confessional: Father & Son**

 _(Junior glares at Dwayne) Dwayne: I cannot be expected to memorize something I only heard once!_

 _Junior: What?! You've got to be kidding me!_

 _(end confessional: so much for a steel trap)_

As Father & Son raced back to hear the phrase again, the Vegans took their turn: _"_ _Vinsamlegast gefa mir mena travel abending,"_

The tip giver handed Laurie a tip. "Yay! Thanks!"

 **Confessional: Vegans**

 _Laurie: I had to get it right, I didn't want to be culturally insensitive.  
_

 _Miles: Yeah, that's how wars start..._

 _Laurie: ...and war is bad._

 _(end confessional: Duh...)_

Meanwhile, MacArthur picked up the protesting Sanders after the latter timed jumping a geyser wrong.

The Fashion Bloggers ran through the field, with Jen screeching so loud that a camera lens shattered.

 **Confessional: Fashion Bloggers**

 _Jen: Geysers are hot water. This top is cold wash only! No one told me there would be real danger!  
_

 _(end confessional: so...sharks aren't dangerous?)_

"Hurry!" Dwayne yelled as Father & Son ran back.

"Almost there, bud!" Rock said to Spud, whom he was dragging alongside him. "You can do it!"

The Adversity Twins ran straight into a geyser, sighing in relief.

 **Confessional: Adversity Twins**

 _Jay: Salt water helps Mickey's emphysema_ **[1]**... _sometimes it gets so bad, his knees look like armadillos..._

 _Armadillo: (blows a raspberry)_

 _(end confessional: go armadillos)_

Ennui and Crimson finished crossing the field.

"Are you finished?" Ennui asked Taylor, who was standing in front of the tip giver with her arms crossed.

"No! Mom trashed the Icelandic talking, so...I made her go back by herself,"

Crimson spoke up in a monotonous drawl: _"Vinsamlegast gefa mir mena travel abending,"_ which earned the Goths their tip.

 **Off-Side Confessional: Goths**

 _Crimson: Most of our favorite bands are from Iceland, so...yeah, we speak the language._

 _(end confessional: first episode she spoke)_

The Best Friends had just finished hearing the sentence. "We're good," Carrie said confidently. "Let's go!" the two sprinted off just as Dwayne collapsed on the button to hear the phrase again.

 **Confessional: Father & Son**

 _Dwayne: This time, I'll remember it! (Junior sighs) What? That lady's goose-y dress distracted me!_

 _(end confessional: riggggggghhhhhtt...)_

Fortunately for Father & Son, the Stepbrothers seemed to be doing a much better job of annoying the tip giver.

"Aw! I had the first half of the sentence!" Chet whined as he shoved Lorenzo. " _You_ were supposed to remember the second half!"

Lorenzo shoved him back. "Other way around, butt-stain!" At that point, the tip giver gave up and shoved both of them.

 **Confessional: Stepbrothers**

 _Chet: That girl is so into me..._

 _Lorenzo: You wish, she's into me, jerky!_

 _Chet: (shoves Lorenzo) As if! You're dreamin'!_

 _Lorenzo: (shoves Chet) You're the one that needs to wake up (Chet slams into him) Ooohh!_

 _(end confessional: here we go again)_

The exhausted Fashion Bloggers finally crossed the field, but all their energy returned the moment they saw the tip giver.

Jen gasped in shock. "Is that an original Petroki? Ah, fierce! Doesn't hurt that you have the bod to pull it off, seriously!" The flattered local handed over a tip as the Fashion Bloggers left to the helicopter. As confirmed by Don's voice-over, "The helicopter needs two more teams before it can lift off,"

The Surfer Dudes finally finished memorizing the sentence, sprinting off just as Kelly reached the voice box a second time, followed quickly by the Stepbrothers. The Reality TV Pros were unsuccessful, and walked sadly back to the voice box. The Cadets, who arrived soon after, were able to snag the fifth tip, and the second-to-last spot on the helicopter. Not five seconds had passed before the Daters arrived, with Stephanie on Ryan's shoulder.

 **Confessional: Daters**

 _Ryan: I memorized the first half, and Steph took the second half._

 _Stephanie: We share everything...except french fries! If he ever touches my fries: (slams fist into palm) KA-BLAM!_

 _Ryan: (looks mortified)_

 _(end confessional: ugh...)_

" _Vinsamlegast gefa mer-_ " Ryan started, reciting the first half perfectly.

". _..mina travel abendeering_ ," Stephanie finished, prompting the local to shake her head. She gasped in shock.

 **Confessional: Daters**

 _Ryan: Ah! Abending! You were so close!  
_

 _Stephanie: I KNOW I was close! She totally should have given us the tip! (groans)_

 _Ryan: Hey! We're doing great, it's okay!_

 _Stephanie: No! I don't let you down, you don't let me down, and that's what love is! NO mistakes, EVER! (walks back, while Ryan looks at the camera worriedly)_

 _(end confessional: banging head against keyboard)_

The Sisters were now trying to catch up. Emma, as always, was taking control. " _Vinsamlegast gefa m-_ " she sighed, trying to remember. At this point, Kitty stepped in. _"-mer mina travel abending_!" Emma somehow wasn't excited when her sister earned them their tip.

 **Off-Side Confessional: Sisters**

 _Emma: You interrupted me and almost ruined our chances!_

 _Kitty: But I got it right!_

 _Emma: Yeah, this time you did! Lucky us! Next time you want to help, don't help!_

 _Kitty: Okay!_

 _(end confessional: Emma's gonna regret that in about 5 minutes)_

With the Sisters taking the final spot on the helicopter, Don's voice-over began. "The first six teams are afloat, while the other ten teams are just trying to stay alive!" Kelly somehow was just leaving the voicebox, sprinting back across the field as the Daters heard the sentence again. The Best Friends had run into a different kind of problem.

"M-m-my foot's caught! I'm stuck!" Devin yelled in panic, trying to pull his ankle from a geyser. Carrie rushed to his side, grabbing him around the waist to help him out. "Oh no! Pull harder!"

"Will they survive? My money's on the geyser," Don said casually, now standing next to the swan lady. "Find out when we return to: The Ridonculous Race!"

* * *

A sudden burst of steam finally unlodged Devin's foot, sending him and Carrie to the ground. Don's voice-over began: "As most of the teams struggle to finish the geyser challenge alive, the top six have reached the ice caves of Skaftafell National Park, where their next challenge awaits,"

Maintaining the Ice Dancers' lead, Jacques grabbed the first tip from the Don Box. "It's an Either Or! _Feast or Fossil!"_

Don began explaining. "An Either Or challenge requires teams to complete one of two tasks. In this case, teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast, or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils embedded in the icy walls of this ice cave! Once their chosen task is complete, teams must bring their intact fossil or empty platter to the Chill Zone. The last time to arrive, _may_ be out of the race!"

The Ice Dancers gracefully grabbed pickaxes from the container placed conveniently at the mouth of the cave, followed closely by the Sisters. The Goths walked to the cave, but merely watched as the Vegans, Fashion Bloggers, and Cadets descended into the cold depths. They exchanged glances briefly before quietly walking to the Feast table.

 **Confessional: Goths**

 _Crimson: The other teams picked the fossil thing, so...we didn't. Cause...whatever_

 _(end confessional: too mainstream?)_

As Ennui removed the cloche from one of the platters, Don began to discuss the contents. "Icelandic Thanksgiving feasts consists of putrefied shark, pickled herring, cured ram, broiled puffin, and singed sheep heads!"

"Yikes!" he exclaimed as he walked over to the Goths. "What are they giving thanks for?!" When the two teens denied him the reaction he was begging for, Don narrowed his eyes. "Okay, then. Thanks for the input!" he remarked sarcastically.

Meanwhile, the Adversity Teams had just earned the first spot on the second helicopter, although they had to hold onto each other to keep the force from the spinning blades from blowing them away. Now, the Rockers were trying out the sentence. Well, Rock was at least.

"Uhh... _v-v-van-_ no! _Vinsamlegast gef_ -ahh! Oh, it's-it's-it's _vinsamlegast gef...vin..._ augh!" Rock groaned in frustration as he turned to his partner. "Come on Spud, you heard it. Help me!"

"Oh, that was forever ago, man. Who can remember?"

"Isn't that the point of the challenge?" Mary said, as the Geniuses finished crossing the field.

"That's what I was thinking!" Rock shouted.

"Maybe we could complete the challenge while you two try to remember?" Ellody offered.

"I'm cool with that," Rock said hopefully.

"No!" Mary interrupted. "Then you'd get to overhear us. We can wait,"

Rock sighed in disappointed. "Alright, here goes. _Vinsamlegast gefa...mer mina travel a...bending?"_

Upon seeing the tip in the local's hand, Rock looked like he had won a lottery ticket. "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!" Woo-hoo!" He and Spud did a quick victory air-guitar before running to the helicopter.

"Well, that was interesting," Ellody remarked, an eyebrow raised.

"You should see my brother when he listens to Nickelback," Mary said, not sounding weirded out. "Mother thought once that he was having a seizure,"

Ellody shuddered. "Nickelback. Oh, right! _Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending,"_

The Geniuses were soon followed by the Best Friends. Father & Son began their second guess on the sentence.

Junior began. " _Vinsamlegast gefa mer-"_

 _"-mina travel asdenting!"_ Dwayne was answered by a slap from the irritated tip giver.

 **Confessional: Father & Son**

 _Junior: Whoa...what did you say?!  
_

 _Dwayne: (holding ice pack to cheek) I have no idea! None!_

 _(end confessional: ouch)_

Out of sympathy, the local handed over a tip to the pleading Stepbrothers, who caught themselves just in time from high-fiving. Back in the ice cave, Kitty took the opportunity to get some selfies, annoying Emma like there was no tomorrow. The Fashion Bloggers were focused on keeping traction with the slippery ground until the Ice Dancers gracefully slid past them, prompting some stares.

Sanders found a fossil, but her excitement was quickly ended by a clumsy swing from MacArthur, shattering the fossil and the surrounding ice.

"Whoa! You'd think something that's been around for a thousand years would know how to take a punch, am I right?" MacArthur remarked, not noticing the frustrated scowl on her partner's face.

Still gliding, the Ice Dancers' attentions were caught by the Vegans, who were mumbling and making odd gestures at a fossil in the ice.

 **Confessional: Vegans**

 _Laurie: We decided to free the fossil using Reiki energy._

 _Miles: We just have to be careful not to use too much. We just want to free it, not bring it back to life._

 _(end confessional: hippies...)_

Back at the field, the Reality TV Pros had successfully finished the phrase. "Woo-hoo! Yes! Come on!" Noah said to Owen as the two sprinted over to the helicopter. Taylor paced impatiently as Kelly, panting heavily, finally came back.

Taylor wasted no time in threatening her mother. "If we get sent home today, I'm never talking to you again! Unless I need money or something,"

 _"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending,"_ Kelly gasped, getting Mother & Daughter their tip. "Wow! Way to not ruin everything for a change!"

Kelly did not appreciate Taylor's excuse of a compliment, grabbing the tip and bolting to the copter. "Oh my gosh Mom, don't sulk! It was a compliment, hello?"

Unfortunately, the helicopter took off just before the two could get to the landing pad. **[1]**

"Way to go, Mom!" Taylor whined. "Now we have to wait for the other teams!"

"Uh, wasn't she here before you, dudette?" Geoff pointed out, walking to the pad with Brody.

"Yeah, but...uh...whatever!" Taylor grumbled, annoyed that she could no longer blame her mother. Brody convulsed with electricity.

"Hey, it's no big deal. There's still time to catch up, bra," Geoff said.

"Says the team that came in second last," Taylor retorted, causing Geoff's smile to fade. Kelly gave an apologetic smile.

 **Confessional: Surfer Dudes**

 _Geoff: (looks uncomfortable) Dude...not tryin' to be a hater or nothin', but Taylor kinda reminds of...Heather. Don't take personally, bro._

 _Brody: nnnzzzrrrtttt!_

 _(end confessional: anyone agree with me?)_

"The next six teams are now headed for the ice caves," Don narrated. Back in the ice caves, Emma had finished carving out a bone fossil from the wall, although keeping a significant amount of ice intact. Kitty, as per Emma's instructions, wasn't helping, but rather taking photos with her smartphone.

"Ugh...this will keep it intact until the chill zone. Help me push!" Emma said, groaning as she pushed the block. "See? This is going great!" Kitty merely took another selfie.

Father & Son were now trying a third time to repeat the Icelandic phrase, but Dwayne's insistence on saying the sentence himself was now painful to watch.

" _Minok_? Eh...no, eh... _knee-no-nee-nee travel_! Agh! Eh... _moony travel! A-moopy travel outstanding! Agh...meepy travel de-pantsing!_ Oh... _amending? De-de-poopy travel amending! Daah..._ " Dwayne sighed.

It was entirely unnecessary, but the local shook her head, at which Dwayne screamed in frustration and started banging his head against the ground.

Eventually, the Daters made it back for their second try. "- _mina travel abending_ ," Stephanie finished, finally earning the tip.

"YEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! FIST BUMP!" Ryan hesitantly extended his fist, which Stephanie slammed with hers. In the haste to the landing point, she failed to notice Ryan whimpering at the sight of his painfully bent fingers.

* * *

The second helicopter launched in Skaftafell, prompting Don's next voice-over. "Twelve of the sixteen teams are now working on the second challenge, but Father & Son have yet to complete Challenge #1,"

Dwayne and Junior finally crossed the field for the fourth time. "Ahhh..." Dwayne started.

Junior quickly slammed his hand over his father's mouth. _"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending,"_ he recited perfectly, finally getting the team's tip. Junior sprinted off to the landing pad, while Dwayne took a second to glare incredulously at the camera.

 **Confessional: Father & Son**

 _Junior: We were already so far behind, I couldn't risk y-um..._ us _m-m-m-messing it up again._

 _Dwayne: (scowling) Huh. You were gonna say you, meaning me! Ha-ho, I'm insulted, I totally knew my part of the sentence._

 _Junior: Okay. Say it._

 _Dwayne: I don't feel like it._

 _Junior: Uh-huh..._

 _(end confessional: where's Truth or Anvil when you need it?)_

Back at the second challenge, the fossil was once again the favorite choice among teams.

"Oh come on, man! We've eaten Chef's food, how hard can this be?" Noah said, upon seeing the feast.

"I liked Chef's food..." Owen mumbled, which his partner responded with a bemused glare. "So...yeah, this should be no problem! Bon appetit, heh heh..."

The Goths were still working their way through the feast, eating at a comfortable pace. The only other team attempting the feast was the Rockers, although Spud was more focused on his music than the challenge. Rock eventually noticed that he was the only one working, and decided to get his partner's attention.

"Hey! Eat something man!"

Spud took off his headphones. "Huh?" he said dully, finally seeing Rock's gesture to help. "Aw...no thanks, I'm not hungry,"

Rock's eyes narrowed in frustration before shoving some of the food into Spud's mouth.

In the Ice Caves, most of the teams were struggling. The Fashion Bloggers and Ice Dancers had managed to get their fossils, having just left the cave. Apparently reiki energy was real, because the Vegans were now sliding their fossil out of the caves, but the Geniuses were close behind.

 **Confessional: Geniuses**

 _Ellody: We're jubilant that Iceland was the site for today's challenge._

 _Mary: A truly remarkable land...mastery of geothermic energy, universal health care, in many ways it is a utopian society. It's such a shame that we won't get the chance to see more._

 _Ellody: Unfortunately...but the ice caves were spectacular._

 _(end confessional: a land of ice and fire)_

"One more ought to do it,"

"Judging by the state of the ice and the bone structure of the fossil, I'd say hit at about...52.7 degrees, no harder than 2148 newtons,"

The third helicopter finally landed, and the four teams bolted to the Don Box to make up for lost time. Three of the four teams ran to the feast. Father & Son ran to the pickaxes, Dwayne quickly grabbing one from the container.

"Slow down, dad, it's super icy!" Junior warned.

"Ha! I used to curl kiddo, so I know ice! As long as-WHOA!" Dwayne lost his balance and slid down into the caves, passing the Vegans as he went. The Geniuses, who were just beginning to bring their fossil back, barely had time to react before Dwayne slammed into Mary, knocking the two of them to the ground.

"Sorry," Dwayne grumbled. "You alri-AAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA!"

Noticing the rapidly swinging pickaxe hurtling towards them, Dwayne grabbed the genius and rolled them both out of the way just as the pickaxe embedded itself in the rock mere inches away.

"Whew!" Dwayne sighed. Junior and Ellody ran to their partners.

"You okay, Dad?" Junior asked, looking genuinely scared.

"I'm fine, kiddo," Dwayne replied, brushing himself off. "Man, that was close,"

"I happened to eavesdrop on part of your conversation, and your shoes have less traction than what is recommended for curling. At least for a gripper," Ellody suggested.

"Wait, where are my glasses?" Mary interrupted. The four had just realized that Mary's glasses were missing.

"They must have fallen off during the hullabaloo,"

"Huh?" Junior asked.

"Commotion," Ellody clarified. "With luck they'll be intact,"

"Is everyone alright down there?" Miles called. The Vegans had come down to see what happened, bringing their fossil with them for save keeping. "We heard-"

 _Crunch._

Laurie and Miles looked in horror at the ground right underneath the mound of ice containing their fossil.

"I...think we found your glasses," Junior mumbled.

* * *

"We're so so so sorry," Laurie apologized again.

"You have your contacts, no?" Ellody asked, grimacing at the ruined spectacles on the ground.

"Affirmative, but I don't have a mirror," Mary sighed. "More importantly, is the specimen intact?"

"Fortunately," Ellody said. "We'll worry about it later, we need to hurry,"

"Speaking of which, let's get a move on, kiddo," Dwayne said, walking over to the rock where his pickaxe was still embedded in. Junior sighed in embarrassment.

At the feast table, the other teams were ready to have a go at the feast, at least until Geoff lifted the cloche on one.

"Whoa-ho-ho duuuude!"

Taylor and Kelly's cheeks bulged in disgust.

"No! Nuh-uh, not happening! We're doing the fossil thing, because eww, barf," Taylor insisted.

"Don't say barf!" Kelly warned, as Taylor finally lost it and threw up, followed a few seconds later by Kelly. The Goths were almost finished with their feast, while the Reality TV Pros were about halfway through. Rock had eaten about a third, already given up on trying to get Spud to help. The Surfer Dudes wasted no time in getting to work.

 **Confessional: Surfer Dudes**

 _Geoff: Feels weird to feed Brody like he's a little nibblet, but it's a team challenge. The guy is a human trash can, he'll eat anything! (puts hand on Brody's shoulder, then convulses him with as the shock affects him too)_

 _(end confessional: zappy zappy boom boom)_

Geoff put some of the putrefied shark into Brody's open mouth. The other surfer made a choking sound, but managed to chew. "We got this!" Geoff reassured his friend.

Now, the only things left of the Goths' meal was the sheep eyeballs. Crimson and Ennui popped one each into their mouth and chewed, while Noah, Owen, and Rock watched in disgust. The Goths swallowed and walked emotionlessly to the Chill Zone.

"Wow! First place!" Don announced. The Goths only blinked.

"You're the winners! You won! Woo-hoo-hoo!" Don pointed out passionately, which had absolutely no effect. "Are you trying to ruin the show? Is that your plan? Get out of here!"

And the Goths walked quietly away. "You're bad kids!" Don yelled after them.

 **Confesssional: Goths**

 _Crimson: As soon as I saw the platter, I knew we were going to come in first._

 _Ennui: (unemotionally) I'm so excited...first place. Wow. I could pee myself._

 _Crimson: You just did_

 _(end confessional: oopsies)_

"First place is taken, but last place is still up for grabs. And _nobody_ wants it,"

The Daters were now almost finished with their meal, the only thing remaining being a string of what looked like intestines. They each slurped one end until they realized they were eating the same thing. At which point, it became the most disgusting reenactment of _Lady and the Tramp_ ever seen.

Right behind were Noah and Owen, who only had to finish their eyeballs. "Don't think, just chew," Noah advised his friend.

"Eye eye," Owen said with a snicker. "Get it? Because it-" He accidentally squeezed the eyeball too hard. "Oh, this is so gross,"

Spud pulled off his headphones. "Better hurry, Rock. They're eating faster than us!"

"Me! They're eating faster than me!" Rock replied indignantly.

"Second place!" Don said as the Fashion Bloggers ran through the Chill Zone.

"Third!" The Ice Dancers ran as unnaturally cheery as usual.

"Fourth!" The Reality TV Pros walked with the platter, definitely a bit queasy.

"Whoa!" Sanders said, noticing that MacArthur was going to swing at the fossil like a fastball. "Maybe I'll take this one," she offered, taking the ice pick from her partner. The Geniuses made their way of the cave, with Ellody guiding the practically blind Mary to the direction of the Chill Zone. The Vegans followed about a minute later.

"My hands are freezing. Let's take a minute to thank all the fossil spirits guiding us," Laurie suggested.

"Sure, let's just put this fossil somewhere where it won't slide away," Miles said, and the two pushed their specimen onto a patch of rough ground before starting to hum. "Ohhhmmmmm...fossil..."

 **Confessional: Vegans**

 _Laurie: We have to honor fossil spirits. Someday we'll be fossil spirits too!_

 _(end confessional: we'll be fossil spirits a lot quicker if you keep talking about it)_

"Oh yes, make out...you're in fifth," Don was less than enthusiastic to watch the Daters' smooch fest. "Ooh! Geniuses, you're in sixth place!"

 **Confessional: Geniuses**

 _Mary: (has back to camera) Today we were focused, and-_

 _Ellody: Mary, turn around._

 _Mary: What? Oh. (turns and faces the camera, blinking) Anyways, we overcame our adversity._

 _Ellody: Not only are we ten ranks higher than where we started, sixth place is our best rank yet! We can still win!_

 _Mary: Yeah! High five! (attempts to high five, but accidentally knocks Ellody off her stool._

(end confessional: oopsies...)

"Vegans, you're in seventh!"

Mother & Daughter ran to the Carpet of Completion. Kelly had chipped a nail while using the ice pick, and seemed more on edge than usual.

"You're in eighth! But...you've earned a one hour penalty. Please step aside,"

Taylor blinked. "Wait, what?!"

"After getting the Icelandic sentence wrong, you were _both_ supposed to go back through the geyser field. But only Kelly did,"

"UGGGHHH! Way to go, Mom!" Taylor whined, storming off the Chill Zone.

 **Off-Side Confessional: Mother & Daughter**

 _Taylor: I sat waiting for you so long, my butt fell asleep, and now we get a penalty?! You ruin my life!_

 _Kelly: (starts to stay something, then stops herself)_

(end confessional: spoiled little brat)

"Eighth place!" Don said to the Surfer Dudes. Brody had recovered enough to give Geoff a fist bump.

"Ninth!" The Best Friends gave each other a high five.

"Tenth!" The Stepbrothers walked past. Soon Emma shoved the Sisters into eleventh, with Kitty taking another selfie to celebrate. Taylor wasted no time in blaming her mother for everything again.

"This is all your fault! You're the mom, or whatever! You can't just let me do anything I want because I'm beautiful! Come o-"

"That's it, I have had enough of your attitude!" Kelly snapped, finally at the end of her rope. "For seventeen years, I have given you nothing but love and support, and you walk over me like I'm nothing! I have given you what you want, taken care of you, showered you with affection, bribed your coaches to say you were the best, and-"

"What?!"

Kelly slammed her hand over her mouth, realizing what she just said. "Um...nothing!"

"What do you mean, _bribed my coaches?_ "

Kelly only gave a sheepish grin. Don now looked extremely uncomfortable. "Oh, here come the Cadets! You're twelfth!"

"Whew! Poop on a bird, that was close!" MacArthur sighed.

The Twins made it next. "Thirteenth. You live to see another day,"

 **Confessional: Adversity Twins**

 _Jay: I don't think we'll be around much longer._

 _Mickey: And...we'll probably be eliminated from the show soon, too._

 _Jay: That's...what I was talking about._

 _Mickey: Oh._

 _Jay: This just got really heavy..._

 _(end confessional: poor dudes)_

Rock finally scarfed down the last of the feast. "Alright, we can still make this!" he said, running off until he noticed Spud was still listening to music. "Come on, man!"

 **Confessional: Rockers**

 _Rock: Eating that stuff, was like, the hardest thing ever. Other than like math or getting my driver's license..._

 _(end confessional: maybe you teach Owen)_

"We did it, sporto!" Dwayne said, holding up the fossil.

"Hurry! I think we're the last ones in the cave!" Junior said, running for the exit. "And be careful!"

"For sure, our penalty is up now?" Taylor asked impatiently.

"Not yet!" Don replied. "Oohhhhhhhh, and here they come!"

Dwayne, Junior, Rock and Spud were all sprinting towards the Carpet of Completion with gusto. Mother & Daughter watched anxiously as the seconds ticked away.

"10, 9, 8, 7-"

...

...

...

...

...

...

...Rock jumped onto the Carpet of Completion, followed quickly by Spud.

...6

...

5...

4...

...

...

...

...

...

3...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

2...

...Father & Son took fifteenth place.

"Mother & Daughter, you're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry, but all I can say is...this is a non-elimination round! You're still in the race!"

Taylor cheered. "Hey, you didn't get us kicked off! Way to go!"

"Ok, that's i-"

"Next week, we're heading to Brazil!" Don interrupted. "Who will shine, who will fall? Tune in next time, on: The Ridonculous Race!"

* * *

 **[1] The show had seven teams on the second helicopter, but I figured that was because the Surfers just barely made it on.**

* * *

 **Hopefully this was good.**

 **Mother & Daughter saw Dwayne's crash in the original, but since they were on the same flight rather than the flight before, they would have missed the scuffle and not decided that their faces were too "chipotle" to get hit with an ice pick. The fact that the Vegans came down to check gave their hands a little bit of time to warn up, and even if they did lose it, Dwayne would have already seen it and known that it was theirs.**

 **I was SO tempted to kick Mother & Daughter out of this. Taylor is such a brat, and I would _love_ to do away with her. Ultimately though, I felt that I needed to honor the show in the sense that each team left with some sort of conflict resolved, and Mother  & Daughter deserved at least that.**

 **Please show that you care by telling me what you thought of this chapter in the reviews. Hopefully this is something you'd like to see more of.**

 **Current Rankings:**

 **-1st Place: Crimson & Ennui (Goths)  
-2nd Place: Jen & Tom (Fashion Bloggers)  
-3rd Place: Jacques & Josee (Ice Dancers)  
-4th Place: Owen & Noah (Reality TV Pros)  
-5th Place: Stephanie & Ryan (Daters)  
-6th Place: Ellody & Mary (Geniuses)  
-7th Place: Laurie & Miles (Vegans)  
-8th Place: Brody & Geoff (Surfer Dudes)  
-9th Place: Carrie & Devin (Best Friends)  
-10th Place: Chet & Lorenzo (Stepbrothers)  
-11th Place: Kitty & Emma (Sisters)  
-12th Place: Sanders & MacArthur (Cadets)  
-13th Place: Jay & Mickey (Adversity Twins)  
-14th Place: Rock & Spud (Rockers)  
-15th Place: Dwayne & Junior (Father & Son)  
-16th Place: Taylor & Kelly (Mother & Daughter)  
Eliminated:  
-17th Place: Gerry & Pete (Tennis Rivals)  
-18th Place: Leonard & Tammy (LARPers)**

 **-AP**


End file.
